How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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