i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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