Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Come back. Shots need mouths.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
