found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
