i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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