I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
