My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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