ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
