Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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