I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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