it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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