I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Pooping to opera.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
