Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
