We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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