Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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