just tell him i said nine months
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
