He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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