I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
