oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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