my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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