Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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