I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
