i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
