Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
How external is "for external use only"?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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