How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
