one might say we're banned from that church
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
