I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she smelled like a LAN party
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
