and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
