Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We are all done wearing pants today
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
