you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
