omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The Olympian is in my bed
Please don't give away my fajitas
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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