it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
this will be a night to untag.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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