I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
