You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
