are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
