god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Its about making memories worth repressing
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
