I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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