I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
