He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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