I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
