When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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