I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
