Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
