i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
