Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
