u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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