My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I think I sprained my soul last night
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
