Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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