U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
