DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
